Rudy!

Okay, I admit it. I've seen this movie a thousand times. It was filmed my senior year at Notre Dame, and when it came out the fall following my graduation, it was like coming home again to walk into a theater somewhere in Seattle and watch this. The soundtrack seems so well to capture the movie's spirit of you-can-do-anything-if-you-work-hard-enough-and-believe-in-yourself that it became my near-constant companion in the 6-week desperate dash to finish my dissertation by the deadline.

Tonight, for the first time that I remember since going with friends to see the film in 1993, I watched it with a crowd of people. Sometimes in the right kind of mood, I pop in the DVD. Or sometimes I catch it on cable. But I'm almost always alone when I watch it. Alone with the memories and the sense of what my time at ND means to me, alone with the thrill that haunts me (despite my two advanced degrees) when Fortune says to him that he's getting out of here with a degree that says he doesn't have to prove nothin' to nobody except himself, and the chill that I get every time Dan Devine tells Roland to act like the All-American and the captain that he is and Roland replies, "I believe I am."

It was a little strange, because, although I was watching with friends who know me pretty well (and their children), it is odd to share a movie that is so much a part of you with people who have seen it once, or not at all. And it's so impossible to convey to people who don't understand it that football really is everything at Notre Dame, and still nothing at all. And this movie is about football, and achieving impossible dreams through perseverance, and, yes, it's about Notre Dame. And somehow, those are all rolled together for me. Not inextricably, but still.