Calling the Psych Ward

My brother isn't doing very well. He's had a couple of setbacks--no one's sure exactly why--and he's still in the hospital. He's not very stable, and he has moments when he's very affectionate, very angry, and very sad. Tonight, I talked to him, and he was very sad. "Sadder than sad," he said. Sometimes, I think, it strikes him how much he's lost. And he's lost quite a bit. He's lost about 12 years of his life to this illness, which is a rough thing to begin to feel and to tally. I think that he was doing some tallying today. And the sadness was pretty overwhelming.

I'm about to tell a story that I think is sort of funny. But I don't mean to make light of my brother or his condition. I certainly don't mean to make light of suicide. And, absolutely, if a friend or family member shares thoughts of suicide with you, get them help. And suicide hotlines are a great place to start. Understand, though, that my brother is currently in the psychiatric ward of a hospital, getting help. Also know that I had already reported to the professionals his comments about feeling suicidal twice today. I take it seriously. But sometimes you have to laugh, too.

I called him up to check in, and we were talking on the phone, and he told me he really wanted to kill himself and he asked me if I knew the number for the suicide hotline.
Me: Paul, you’re in the hospital, you don’t need a suicide hotline.
Him: But I’m feeling very suicidal.
Me: Then go tell the nurse.
Him: Can you look up the number?
Me: Paul, just go tell the nurse.
Him: I really need to talk to someone NOW. PLEASE find me a phone number.
Me: Paul, it’s the job of the people at the suicide hotline to send you to the hospital if you’re really suicidal. I don’t think they’d know what to do if you’re calling from the psych ward.
Him: Oh... But I’m just so sad.

What a strange moment. Of course, his sadness and the thought that he might actually try to end things sometimes is very saddening and disturbing to me. But sometimes you have to just laugh a little bit, and, for me at least, someone in a psych ward begging me for the number to a suicide hotline was one of those moments.

(By the way, for a suicide hotline, call (800) 273-TALK.)